The day I will never forget. It is amazing how fast things can turn in life. One moment you are so excited you can hardly sit in your chair and another moment you feel as if you can not even stand up. Well, that is how this day went. In excitement for this day, Jo and I had posted on Facebook a poll…What do you think we are having? A boy or a girl? Ha! On a normal basis, this would have been followed the next day by an answer. Truth is, I could not even get my fingers to type after this. I found myself “reclusing.” I was avoiding conversation with others. I did not want to respond to phone calls or text messages. I found myself in…well… a hole. Maybe even a black hole to be honest. So, here is why:
Jo and I met up at 9:30 AM on Friday morning with our child’s grandmother, Donna. We were headed to our ultrasound. In an hour, we would be announcing to the world in some form or fashion (probably on Facebook) whether Abigail Grace or Aiden Cruz would be the next addition to the Workman family. Our excitement was running high. Filled with emotion, I sat there holding Jo Anna’s hand attempting to describe to Donna what was appearing on the screen. “No Donna, that is not two eyes and a mouth. It is the heart!” Smiling and laughing, almost gitty, we were enjoying meeting our baby lamb.
Fast forward one hour and our lives had been turned upside down. Abigail Grace, yes, we are having a girl, had been diagnosed with Holoprosencephaly, Alobar type, In other words, her diagnosis is fatal. If Abigail makes it to term, God will have blessed Jo Anna and I with some precious time with our Abigail Grace. Minutes…hours…days…weeks…or months, we do not know what priceless time we will have with our baby. Only God knows, and with that, I find myself selfishly asking for the months….even better yet….years. But, in my love for Abigail, I know that her short life will be a time of suffering, and that as a caring and loving father, I do not want her to be in any pain, even if that means only minutes for us.
And this is why a black hole may be a great description for what I have been living in for the past week. I have woken up on some of these mornings wondering, “Where is the light?” I have to remind myself that in faith there is light. I must keep on going because He has a plan for us…for Abigail. Even though this may be hard and words cannot describe the pain and suffering Jo and I have experienced in this past week, we have to believe that God loves us. It is the times that I am struggling with this that I look over and see my perfect wife holding her hands over our little lamb kicking around in her belly. Thank you God for giving me this and for reminding me that I AM LOVED AND BLESSED! Oh the miracle!
So, here you will be reading a blog by both Jo and I. You will learn of our ups and downs during this adventure God has placed us on. It may not be pretty at times, but I promise you this, you WILL see God’s presence in this. For those that do not know our Savior, I pray that through our heartache and grieving and by meeting our Abigail Grace through this blog, you will get to know our God and find eternity in His kingdom. For the others, I pray that you will find that time is truly precious. As Jo Anna told me tonight, God has a funny message He has given her this week. TIME…IS…PRECIOUS! In this little time we have, not knowing when the end here on earth is, we need to love others fully….to the utermost. We are often guilty of waiting till tomorrow to show our love to others or half-hearedly doing it today. What you need to know is that God wants us to love others NOW with EVERYTHING we have.
I leave you with that. Today is the day to love your neighbor! Today, GOD LOVES YOU!
Love you friends,
Lyle
Oh Lyle and JoAnna, I know there are no words for this. I am so blessed by your words… and heartbroken and singing for you all at once. So thankful for your lamb, so thankful for our Father and that He loves you all three. My own precious girl who is the reason I even have the pleasure of knowing you .. her name is Abigail Grayce. I mention it hoping it will give you some comfort somehow to know that love is eternal and each person you share it with carries it on to the next. I also know that there are no coincidences and no accidents and your courage in sharing this story with us will make a difference. I know that I will think of the two of you and of your Abigail Grace each and every time I look at mine and give one more thanks and one more hug and one more kiss. We love you all. And we will be praying for healing and for peace and for miraculous healing for your sweet girl.
Love and Prayers
Kandice
Dearest Lyle and Joanna,
I found out your heartbreaking news while I was in St Louis burying my precious Mother. I have thought of the both of you and kept you in my prayers often the last week.
Not many people know this yet but Dave has been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. I have been on an emotional roller coaster in preparing myself to say goodbye to my Mother as well as fighting with Dave against cancer. He is having surgery on June 14th and at that time we will know how much further outside the prostate the cancer has spread.
I can’t begin to fathom the grief and the pain that you are experiencing. What I can tell you from first hand experience is that God is and forever will be FAITHFUL! There is no oops in His vocabulary and nothing, not one single tear escapes His constant gaze that he keeps on us!
Dave has said the same thing about time, it is indeed precious and we are to make every moment count. We above all others should live with purpose! It is SO hard sometimes to make sense of the trials and sufferings that come our way and well meaning people will say the appropriate Christian things. Truth is truth no matter what but remember that God understands our hurts, our anger and our questions. One day we WILL understand and see God’s plan and purpose in those trials and sufferings but for now, trust in Him who knows us more intimately than we even know ourselves!
While sitting by my Mom’s side for 10 days before she went to be with the Lord, God gave me this verse which comforted me greatly:
“He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God who has called you into fellowship with His son Jesus Christ our Lord is faithful”
1 Cor. 1:8-9
Love, Connie
Lyle and Jo,
I just read this from someone’s post on FB and it is beautiful. I’m so happy you guys are doing this. I’m so sorry for the hurt that I know burns deep in your hearts. For some crazy reason, God has called our family to a place of strength through many many losses and deep grief, so one thing I know- we will once again stand together and walk this grief journey together- trusting Him especially when we can’t see Him. I admire you for trusting through the hurts, anger, questions, and black holes…and then eventually walking through to the light, the beauty out of ashes, the dancing after the mourning. But until then- and after then- always- we are here for you and with you and we love you so very very much.
Jamie and Brian
Lyle and Jo,
love and mercy continue through you two! Even at the moment when circumstances have literally knocked the breath out of you guys, you continue forward in prayer and thanksgiving. I may never get to meet your sweet lamb, Abigail, but she will always have a special place in my heart. Love you both!
It is so hard to type when I can’t see the keys…I need some windshield wipers for my eyes after reading both of yours’ blogs. Yes, my heart breaks with you guys…and yes, that broken-hearted feeling is beginning to feel like an old friend about now. Jamie said it – maybe God has called us to this place of grief – and I’ll witness that I keep wondering that same thing. I don’t know why this is happening, and it’s probably the least important question (tho’ men are just wired to want to know why)…AND also the most fruitless question, too. So, instead I will pray for acceptance – for all of us – but especially for you guys. Melody Beattie says, “Letting go means giving God and the Universe permission to send us what we’re meant to have.” Well, while I have come to believe that truth, it is HARD to live it out, in my experience. So, as you keep letting the Spirit show you the way, keep talking about it…here or wherever…and stay open and honest like you are now. This way, you’ll come through this with honest, healthy grief, learning the lessons God has for all of us thru this…and we’ll be here learning with you. AND we’ll be here for you to lean on when you feel like you just don’t have the strength to face some of those coming days. We love you guys and are all the way here for you in this bittersweet season of Life. God is good. Much love, Wes, Kellye, and TJ.
Lyle and JoAnna, I am so sorry to hear about your baby’s illness. We will pray for healing first and foremost. Also, for wisdom, extra strength, faith, and peace for you guys and your family. Your situation is just one more reminder of how fragile life really is. Thank you for sharing your experience and your incredible faith. Jamie is right when she says it seems that your whole family has been called by God to experience so much grief and then be willing to share with others as to how to walk through it and praise God no matter what. I’m quite a bit older than you and I’m quite sure that I wouldn’t have the same amount of faith and maturity that you two are demonstrating. God bless you both and your sweet little Abigail!
JoAnna & Lyle, Your blog brings tears to my eye’s. I will continue to read. I know this is very hard and painful for both of you. I will continue to lite my candles for both of you, because I have faith in God to keep you both strong. Abigail is a beautiful name. She is also mentioned in my prayers, and the candles I will continue to lite for you all. God Bless You both and precious Abigail.